So, after my live-in girlfriend bailed, I'm back to online dating. I love it. It is so much cheaper and time-efficient than meeting people through actually having a social life. Plus none of my so-called friends can warn potential dates about me. Fuckers. But I digress. Online dating is great. It's like ebay for people. Instead of having to listen to hour after hour of tedious chatter from your vacuous friends and co-workers while remaining alert for a likely prospect to get separated from the herd, you can do all the legwork while watching TV in your underwear. You also learn basic compatibility information quickly. You can find someone who passes through whatever superficial yet important filters you have. The only problem is, unlike ebay, you can't pay with cash; you can only pay with the prospect of being with you.
If you are blah-to-average (or a BTA), this presents a real problem - and most people are BTAs within their social group; we can't all be above-average. Attractive men and women get loads of e-mail, some of it from dateable people. A well-intentioned BTA, who is looking for a serious relationship and genuinely attracted to someone (even another BTA!), is unlikely to stand out among the ranks of players and dinner whores who have more enticing profiles. So, one common approach is to try to make yourself seem far more interesting than you actually are. It's a good idea in theory but often goes terribly wrong in practice.
It's obvious why that fails for men; a man's interestingness is his ability and willingness to pay for nights out, and he can't pretend forever. For women, there are two interrelated reasons why it fails. First, women all know what men want: sex. Not just any sex, though in the euphoric early days, it really is all good. But once the relationship becomes settled, men want either really hot sex or really lazy sex. Hot sex can be anything with kink or extra women. Lazy sex can be no-foreplay quickies or just leaning back while she sucks you off. But even women who might accomodate that don't feel comfortable saying so in their profiles - "Will do anal and FMF threesomes every month in a loving, committed relationship. Cunt-licking not required."
The second reason is that women are delusional. They figure rightly that men will approach women who seem to have similar interests. They very sensibly put those interests in their profiles - "Love being wined & dined, going to exotic destinations, or just having great conversations while exploring all the city has to offer." The only problem is that all those things are courtship behaviors that start going away as the sex stops being exciting, which can take anywhere from a week to a year. Men just do that stuff to get into a girl's pants. They don't want to work that hard in a stable relationship - it's a much higher return-on-effort to find a new woman.
Therefore, most womens' online dating profiles read not as honest expressions of who they are but simply as a price list - "If you want me, do X, Y, and Z." And too often the price seems too high for what they're offering. Again and again, I see nice-looking women in their early-to-mid-30's write about how they love to travel, love spontaneity, love just going off to someplace exciting for a weekend. No wonder they're still single - a guy reads all that and thinks, "Yeh, maybe if you were ten years younger."
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